I’m posting this on Mother’s Day…
Which, if you’re reading this, I’m sure you’re already aware, is a tough day for so many stepmoms – especially the ones who put their blood, sweat, and tears into step-motherhood and don’t receive any recognition.
Here’s the thing, despite the hearts and sparkles posts going up on your Facebook Newsfeed right now… I want you to know something.
Mother’s Day doesn’t really matter.
It’s a beautiful tradition for SO many families – but really, at the end of the day, it’s not the be all and end all. It’s just a freakin’ day!
So, whether you’re celebrated or not today, I want to remind you that you’re one hell of a woman.
You’re strong, giving, resilient and dedicated – as I’m sure you know, it takes a special kind of woman to be the motherly figure in a blended family. It’s not an easy gig.
I get it. I’ve been there! I am there.
But as I’ve said, your Mother’s Day Celebration or lack there of does NOT define the level of love and appreciation your family has for you (stepkids included).
It does not define the level of impact you’re having on their lives, how much you give, or how lucky they are to have you.
It’s JUST A DAY.
Try not to sweat it.
If nothing else, go do something for yourself today.
Celebrate YOU and how far YOU’VE COME.
Go online and treat yourself to a new spring outfit.
Go for an extra-long workout.
Get frisky with your partner.
Or sit down and enjoy some quiet time while your stepkids are with their Mom.
Celebrate yourself, because you’re something to be celebrated.
P.S. If you’re looking for a community of women who GET it. If you’re ready to STOP feeling like insecure about your role as a stepmom, if you’re sick of being consumed by stepfamily stressors – we’d love to have you join The Exclusive Stepmom Community
Exclusive content not shared anywhere else, raw and real conversations not meant for social media, tell all podcasts and a private forum entirely off social media where you can ask me anything AND get support from fellow stepmoms.
Here’s a glimpse of conversations happening in the community!
My first Mother’s Day as stepmom was hard because everything was hard and there was so much competition and plain meanness between me and BM, out of our own hurts. Anyway, I redefined Mother’s Day as Kickass Woman Day for myself after that. So each year it is the weekend I get to have an adventure (hiking/camping/line dancing with my mom) with all the kids or only ours baby or no kids. Sometimes I get cards. Sometimes not all the kids acknowledge me. But I always do something fun for myself.”
High Conflict Emails
“I feel like high conflict situations can be summed up with one word: EMAILS. I have yet to meet a stepmom who doesn’t also cringe at the word. “You’re a stepmom, too? How ‘bout them emails!” It’s like a language only we know. Also: texts. Again…. boundaries and funneling communication through one email portal changes the game entirely.”
What are some ways to cope when your stepkids’ parents allow things to happen that you feel are so very wrong?This scenario happens a lot but this time I’m specifically referring to sending messages from parent to parent through the kid(s). BM & BD cannot find any common ground to communicate in any form (phone, text, email) about kid happenings. Is it ok to play ostrich or does one have an obligation to intervene on behalf of the children who don’t understand what’s happening is wrong or what to do about it?
Does anyone else feel sad or resentful about living in the same house as the ex did? I know it’s not an easy financial option (not to mention uprooting the kids) to move out of the house just so stepmom doesn’t feel crappy about it, but what do you do, or think, or change to feel better about it?
I have just cried all day long. The child is told by the mother how many days each time she comes to see that she has with us and excitedly tells us oh yay I get to go back to my moms for three days. It’s like I can tell she loves us but she would leave us any chance she could.
Does anyone else feel a sense of relief when it’s time for their stepkids to go back to their mom’s? For me, this happens on Monday mornings after I send them and my hubby off to school and work. We have them every Saturday and Sunday, so when Monday morning comes around, I relish that quiet coffee time before I have to get myself ready for work and the week. I don’t have my own children, but I would imagine moms might feel the same way after a weekend of activity!
His kids were raised SOOOOOOO drastically different than how I would like to raise my own, from the little stuff to big picture decisions and I feel like I can’t even begin to think about an “ours baby” until his kids are older and no longer on visitation with us. (i.e.: Nanny vs daycare, independence vs attachment parenting, breastfeeding vs formula, importance of bilingual learning, the list goes in and on…)
I hate getting judged for calling my stepkids exactly what they are, MY STEPKIDS, or MY HUSBAND’S KIDS. Thats what they are. They aren’t mine. I don’t understand why this is such a problem.
I hate how much of our lifestyle is limited because of his past relationship. (i.e. Can’t move too far away, can’t do XYZ because exorbitant child support payment coming up, etc).
When we first got married and moved in things were so rough with his daughter. She was so naughty and threw fits like no other. And now she’s gotten better but I feel like I’ve gotten worse. I find myself resenting her. And I can’t figure out why? Please tell me I’m not the only one. I feel terrible for feeling this way but man, some days are a shit show with her and I can’t help but put the blame on her. Help!
The other day my 9 year old stepson came home with his parent teacher interview reminder. It was addressed to his mom and dad but he wrote my name in next to theirs with a smiley face and a heart. Made my whole day.
This past week, I took my stepson back to his mom’s house. By myself. Without my husband. It sounds so stupid (she literally lives 7 mins from our house). But, 9 years ago, when this whole thing started, I wasn’t even “allowed” in the car on her property. I know, it’s not something she could enforce, but the statement was made, and we honored it as painful and hurtful as it was. Now … 9 years later … I’m taking my SS to his mom’s house, by myself, pulling right into her driveway. It feels so good!