Alright stepmom. I know you’ve got a lot on your plate, with the whole blending families thing. You want to bond with your stepkids. You want to build that relationship.
But seriously, let’s talk about a little dilemma that bothers many stepmoms.
Should you be calling or texting your stepkids when they’re with their biological mom?
Many stepmoms reach out, only to be met with resistance from mom, or well… crickets from their stepkids.
I have some thoughts.
STEPMOMS IN DISTRESS
If you’re getting crickets, I get it, I really do. Your stepkids may be ignoring you. Or worse, their mom might be playing the phone police, blocking your attempts at a heartfelt chat. You’re frustrated, feeling left out, and wondering whether it’s time to pull out your detective gear and get to the bottom of this. All you want to do is check in. After all, you care and miss your people.
But here’s a thought: maybe it’s time to pump the brakes.
JUST STOP, SERIOUSLY
Before you dial that number or send that text, consider this: is it really worth it? I know you’ve got a heart of gold and you genuinely care about your stepkids. But guess what? There’s a time and place for everything, and right in the middle of their mom’s custodial time might not be the right time.
RESPECT, RESPECT, RESPECT
Respecting their mom’s time is important. Sure, you want to keep that connection but consider this. If you’re interrupting their mom-time, you’re not just dialing a number, you may be dialing up awkwardness and tension.
THE AWKWARDNESS FACTOR
Imagine being a kid caught between your biological mom and your stepmom. It’s like picking sides in a never-ending tug of war. By calling them during their mom’s time, you’re putting them in an awkward situation. They might not know how to react or what to say. You’re not making it any easier for them, and it’s time to cut them some slack.
LOYALTY AND TROUBE
Ever heard the phrase “loyalty binds?” The kids might be keeping their distance from you during their mom’s time because they’re worried about hurting her feelings. Or, let’s be real, they might be scared of the consequences if mom finds out. It’s a survival technique. They are avoiding the awkward situation.
HERE’S THE BRIGHT SIDE
Here’s the truth. You can totally have a great relationship with your stepkids without hitting them up when they’re with mom. The secret? Patience, understanding, and a whole lot of respect.
UNANSWERED TEXTS AREN’T THE END OF THE WORLD
You sent a text. No response. Big deal! Seriously, don’t take it personally. Kids are notorious for hitting that ignore button when it suits them. It doesn’t mean they hate you or that they’re conspiring against you. They’re just kids, doing their kid thing.
Now this isn’t the case for every stepmom. Not all moms are resistant to the stepmom. Not all stepkids feel the awkwardness.
BUT if texts and outreach are met with resistance, take a step back.
Use the time that your stepkids are with their mom to dive into your relationship and self care. When they return you’ll have lots to talk about and will be in the place to give them your all.
LOOKING FOR MORE SUPPORT?
If you’re looking for more conversations with stepmoms who get it, be sure to check out
The KICK-ASS Stepmom Community. You can find all the details here!