Should a stepmom follow the ex on social media? This question comes up often for members of The KICK-ASS Stepmom Community.
I personally think it’s a bad idea. But you have to do what feels right for you. But before you send that friend request, here are some things to consider.
WILL IT AFFECT HOW YOU SHOW UP?
I want you to ask yourself something – will hitting that follow button impact how you express yourself online?
It probably will.
If you’re going to overthink every post, worrying about what she may think, your answer is no. Your authenticity matters, and your social media shouldn’t be a battleground for her approval.
COULD IT CAUSE DRAMA WITH THE EX?
Do you want the ex to have even more access to your life? If she does a little digging, she can see what you’re doing, who you’re friends with and groups that you’re involved in.
I’ve had a number of stepmoms tell me that the ex has messaged them about issues with something they are doing on social media (often following me – eyeroll).
On the same note, will your posts trigger her? Will they send her on a rollercoaster of emotions?
Your family pictures or cozy Sunday brunch shots might not sit well with her, even if she has the best of intentions. There is a grieving process that comes with divorce and co-parenting. Sometimes out of sight out of mind is the best.
Let’s be real, we’ve all had those late-night scrolling sessions. Will adding her to your followers list turn you into a detective investigating her 2010 beach trip? Will you look back into pictures of her and your partner, assessing everything?
It’s not healthy and not necessary.
TIMING IS EVERYTHING
If after considering all of this, you still feel like it’s the best move. I want you to ask yourself this. Have you had a long term, consistent, healthy and respectful co-parenting relationship?
Have you been able to ride out ebbs and flows with respect and emotional maturity?
If so, maybe this is the right move for you. Maybe everyone is ready.
But adding her after a few weeks of co-parenting harmony is a recipe for disaster. It’s easy to get caught up in the fairy tale hopes for co-parenting bliss. Afterall, that’s the goal right?
Take your time.
Let’s be honest, chances are she’s going to do a creep on you too. Are you comfortable with that?
THE UNFOLLOW DILEMMA
The last thing to consider is this. The unfollow. If (or when) you realize that this was a bad idea, the unfollow can be a bit awkward and considered a line in the sand.
Listen. It is entirely possible to have a healthy and friendly co-parenting relationship without being social media friends. You can share what you choose to share via text or in an email.
To sum it up, stepmoms, the choice is yours.
But remember, your online world can be a huge part of your life. It’s your platform to share, connect, and be unapologetically you.
Social media can be great way to be connect and be inspired
It can also be triggering and not great for our mental health.
Which do you think being friends with the ex would be?
Be honest with yourself.
LOOKING FOR MORE SUPPORT?
If you’re looking for more conversations with stepmoms who get it, be sure to check out
The KICK-ASS Stepmom Community. You can find all the details here!