I’m often asked my favourite books and resources for stepmoms. To be honest, I don’t have any. One thing I’ve heard in my 10 years as a stepmom and after working with hundreds of stepmoms from around the world, is that there is no one size fits all approach.
Advice for stepmoms is very situation-specific.
Words like disengaging, boundaries, parallel parenting, co-parenting can be taken really literally. The advice can be taken too seriously.
Yes they are helpful, but stepfamily life ebbs and flows. Relationships are fluid. What works for one family may not work for another.
I’ve found the best resources are the ones that have noting to do with being a stepmom. Ones that encourage you to dive into your self.
Your insecurities, your fears, your wants, your needs, your communication style.
As a stepmom, it’s so easy to get caught up in what the ex is doing, or how your stepchildren are being raised, or how you and your partner are or are not on the same page about [insert latest stepfamily stressor here]. As a stepmom, there is so much that is outside of your control…
That’s not where our energy should be placed. Time and time again, I’ve seen that when stepmoms focus inward and start doing the work on themselves, the stressors that come with stepfamily life don’t affect them in the same way.
Their perspective changes.
Their relationships change.
Their vibe changes.
Their outlook on challenges of their life change.
Here’s what I know for sure. When I am doing the work on myself, practicing self care, stepfamily curve balls don’t knock me down like they used to.
So with that, here are my favourite resources for stepmoms, that have absolutely nothing to do with being a stepmom.