This Sunday is Stepmother’s Day. For those of you who are like “what the heck is Stepmother’s Day?” I hear you. I didn’t know it was a thing until years into becoming a stepmom

It’s the Sunday after Mother’s Day – a day intended to celebrate Stepmoms. 

Here’s what came up after a quick google search about its origin.

In 2000, the day was created by Lizzie Capuzzi, a nine-year-old from Pennsylvania who wanted to celebrate her stepmother, Joyce. She decided it should be celebrated the Sunday after Mother’s Day, and Joyce and Lizzie let Senator Rick Santorum know about the day by sending him a letter. On July 11, 2000, Santorum spoke on the Senate floor, supporting stepparents, acknowledging the day, and that Lizzie created it. This was published in the Congressional Record.

Stepmother’s Day is an amazing tradition for a lot of blended families. 

It gives children and stepmoms the opportunity to have Mother’s Day Celebration without impeding on the day with their mom, especially given that most children are “with” their mom on this day. 

I’m going to say it again, Stepmother’s Day is an amazing tradition for a lot of blended families. 

It FEELS RIGHT for a lot of blended families.

However, Stepmother’s Day has never resonated with me. It’s not something we celebrate in our home. I honestly don’t give it a lot of thought.

I didn’t find out about it until several years into being a stepmom.
My husband didn’t know about it until a brief conversation last year.
And I would bet my life that none of my three stepchildren know about Stepmother’s Day. 

Yes, I run a platform that primarily focuses on my Stepmom Life. 
But I don’t celebrate Stepmother’s Day.

Here’s why

STEPMOTHER’S DAY CAN BE JUST ANOTHER BLOW

Over the past 5 years I have spoken to thousands of stepmoms. 
I have supported and coached thousands of stepmoms. 
I have had heart to hearts with thousands of stepmoms. 

Most of them feel unseen, unheard and unappreciated.

Most of them are NOT celebrated on Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day is a very difficult day for them. Days after, they report having a Mother’s Day hangover.

They find themselves questioning their role in their family, questioning their relationship with their stepchildren, wondering if anyone sees anything they do and have sacrificed. 

Then, a few short days later, comes Stepmother’s Day. For these stepmoms it can be just another blow in a vulnerable and sensitive time.

 

I BELIEVE STEPMOMS SHOULD BE APPRECIATED ON MOTHER’S DAY

As you can see in the videos I’m posting here, I encourage stepchildren, fathers and even mothers to acknowledge Stepmoms on Mother’s Day. I don’t think that Stepmoms need a separate day. I think that Stepmoms should be recognized on Mother’s Day itself. 

Mother’s Day is a day to recognize all forms of motherhood and the maternal roles in our Society. In my opinion stepmoms fall into this category.

Just like a grandma, an aunt, a foster mom etc… 

A text, a call or a little token of appreciation on this day – can go a long way.

Celebrating the week after is great too! Like anything, it can be celebrated on any day, in any way!

Blended families know first-hand that when it comes to holidays, the day on the calendar doesn’t matter. It’s when you can all be together. 

 

IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE A CONSOLATION PRIZE

The fact that it piggy backs off of Mother’s Day, feels a bit too symbolic for me. It seems like another reminder that you’re not the mom. You’re second best. Just the stepmom. 

Stepmother’s Day – a day, that the majority of the population doesn’t know exists – for lack of better words (or maybe not) seems like a consolation prize. 

Like national wine day, national pickle day, national dog day, or national eat a burger day – it’s day that someone made up with fun and great intentions but isn’t actually a huge thing. (Hold the hate mail on this one please, I’m allowed to have my opinion). 

It’s like, you don’t deserve to be celebrated on Mothers’ Day, but here’s a day that no one knows exists.

For me it seems like another way for stepmoms to feel unseen. 

Look, this post will NOT resonate with all stepmoms. 
I anticipate getting some hate mail on this one. 

I received a very colourful email and Instagram message from someone who was upset that I didn’t post a Stepmothers’ Day post last year. 

Like I said, there are a lot of people who really love this holiday and it’s a great tradition for them and their family. I think that’s amazing. Seriously, amazing! 

There are also a lot of stepmoms who are in the boat I referred to above. 

Considering the divorce rate and number of stepmoms in our society, was your newsfeed flooded with beautiful Stepmom’s Day celebrations yesterday? 

Yeah, I didn’t think so. 

When it comes to stepfamilies there is no one size fits all approach. 
Every stepfamily dynamic is different and there are so many contributing factors that play a role in the way a stepmom is seen and appreciated in the family. 

Every Mother’s Day, as a stepfamily blogger, coach influencer – whatever title you want to call me, I create content for stepmoms and try to encourage families to acknowledge all that the stepmoms do! 

Every week I create content and resources for stepmoms who want to learn how to thrive in this role.

From day one my mission has been to open the conversation about blended family life and debunk the stigma that comes with being a stepmom.

To the stepmoms reading this blog post, Mother’s Day or Stepmothers Day does not determine the amount of appreciation your stepchildren have for you. 

It does not represent the impact you have on their lives.

You are an amazing, giving, emotionally strong woman. This role is not for the weak. 
I celebrate you every single day, in every post that I write.