I talk a lot about how to remain positive when it comes to being a stepmom. Specifically, about not letting people and things who you can’t control bring you down.
I’m all about the whole “you can’t control other people, the only thing you can control is your reactions”
“the way people treat you is more about them than it is about you” attitude
I’ve been getting a lot of emails lately asking me how I maintain this positive attitude all the time.
The answer? I don’t.
It’s a work in progress. And just like “real” parenting, with step-parenting, somedays are just freaking shitty.
Somedays… actually most days… I am sure that one of my stepchildren just hates me, and even though I should chalk it up to age appropriate behaviour, it’s a really shitty feeling.
I struggle between spoiling him so that he will like me again, and staying true to the way I feel a parental figure should act.
Somedays, I feel like I am good enough to make the annoying snack backs for the hockey bus, to attend doctor’s appointments, to do the the errands, the back to school shopping, the lunches and the school forms but when it comes down to decisions that actually matter, my opinion is trumped and/or non-existent … and rightfully so, because I am “just” a stepmom. But you can’t help but feel like you’re good enough until you’re not.
Somedays I even feel resentful, because I know that if I wasn’t a stepmom I would most likely have another baby by now… but with everything that we have going on, it’s just not the “right time”. My head knows that, but every once-in-a-while my heart takes over.
Somedays, the inevitable complications that come with co-parenting just get to me and I’m left asking myself “why can’t anything be simple?”
Somedays, even though we’ve been together for almost four years now, I feel I still don’t know what my role is supposed to be.
And while we’re being honest, even though I am madly in love with my husband and our family, amongst the chaos… some days…. every once and a while, I think about what it would be like to not be in a blended family… but to be just a mom and dad with kids.
Now I don’t have these thoughts everyday. In fact, these days are few and far between.
But even though for the most part, I love being a stepmom, they just creep in.
Like I said, some days are just shitty.
I’m not telling you this because I want a pat on the back, a “you go girl” or someone to throw me a parade
In fact, I recognize that by being so candid I am setting myself up for comments telling me that “I knew what I signed up for” and that I am “just a stepmom” and should know my place.
I also recognize that someone may read this and say to themselves “oh cry me a river”
You know what? That’s totally okay!
Because the reason why I am writing this is because I know right well that there are tonnes of stepmoms who feel the same way.
And these stepmoms feel really shitty for feeling the way they feel.
It’s really easy to look at posts on social media, and think that someone has it all together, and that life perfect for them. But it’s not real. Social Media is not real life.
We all have shitty days.
We all have days where we wish we could have a do-over.
We are all a work in progress.
That’s the key though. To continue to be a work in progress. To continue to remind yourself of everything that you have to be grateful for….amongst all the bullsh*t.
And I’m not saying it’s just blended families who have to deal with b*llshit. Everyone has some form of b*llshit in their life…
I don’t think it’s possible to be positive all of the time. We’re human beings and its natural to have negative emotions… because like I said, everyone is dealing with some sort of crap.
The key to being positive is deciding how long you’re going to let yourself bask in the b*llshit… because the longer you bask in sh*t, the harder is it to get all cleaned up!