This morning my husband and I were chatting about this blog and all the stories that I’ve told you about our blended family life.
He laughed to himself, and said, “my favourite one is from the time that you hid from the kid’s mom in the driveway… do you remember that?”
I laughed, and said “Of course I do! How could I forget?”
It was hands down, the exact moment that I realized that this stepmom gig, was going to be way more complicated than I anticipated!
Don’t get me wrong, there were several of these situations, especially at the beginning
In fact, I can think of many times that I said to myself, “OMG this is nuts”, or “What the heck am I thinking?” or “ohhhhhh this is awkward”
But the very first time I went “uhh ohh” is particularly memorable.
My husband and I had only been dating a couple of months. We hadn’t done the whole “meet the kids” thing, and I certainly hadn’t been introduced to his ex-wife.
Things were and weren’t serious, all at the same time.
I was right smack in the middle of the LUST PHASE. You know that feeling at the beginning of your relationship where you have butterflies all the time and are so excited about EVERYTHING.
Cloud 9 is a good way to describe it.
One morning after spending the night at his house (formerly their house), I was rushing out the door to get to work. The kids were with their Mom and he had already left for the day.
Still living in my fairy tale world, I jumped in my car with a smile from ear to ear. I cranked up the music, and rolled down my window all ready for my commute. Again, I’ll tell you I was on Cloud 9.
Now to really understand this story, and for you to picture what happened, I need to describe our lane way.
It’s a long lane with a twist at the end, that’s almost a block long. The house can’t be seen from the road.
So now that you have the visual, picture me, windows down, music cranked, smile from ear to ear heading down that lane… and then SLAMMING on the breaks when I see my husband’s kids and ex waiting at the end of the driveway. (Remember the kids and ex-wife I had yet to meet?)
I had forgotten that the kids catch the school bus at the house every morning! And yup, there they were!
I’m sure you’re wondering what I did next. How did I handle this awkward situation? The driveway was blocked. Unless I asked her to move, or drove all over the grass, I couldn’t get out.
Well… I reversed my car down that long driveway, and prayed to God that no one saw me! While I prayed, I literally hid my car behind the fence.
Yes, heart beating out of my chest, feeling super awkward, and a little embarrassed that I reversed down a driveway and hid… I sat there until I was sure that the bus had picked up the kids and that everyone was gone.
While I waited my phone beeped. It was my “boyfriend”.
He had received a text message from the kid’s mom… “you can tell your girlfriend that I see her”
I just stared at the message on my phone, and didn’t respond.
“Where are you?” he asked…
Again, I didn’t answer.
How could I tell him I was hiding behind the fence?
NO LONGER ON CLOUD 9.
AND FEELING LIKE A COMPLETE FOOL!
Why the HECK did I reverse down the driveway and hide like a child?
I still don’t really have an answer to that question. All I know is that this was first time I realized that this whole dating a single dad with three kids thing was going to be more complicated than I thought. That, and I may not always react in the best possible way.
Many times I reference being a stepmom and say “the really important things in life don’t come with a handbook”… well this is a prime example of that!
I look back and laugh, but that day it sure wasn’t funny. It was actually pretty mortifying.
Like I said, it was the day I realized that I may just be in over my head.
That being said, I’m pretty happy that I decided to stick around!
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Laughing so much a this Jamie. Thanks for sharing.
Haha no problem Krista. It’s what I do!
Thanks for commenting!
My realization came soon into my relationship with my husband. I went to visit him at the campus where he teaches. Coincidentally, his ex wife, my step daughter’s mother, goes to that college. As I’m sitting outside on a bench with him discussing love-struck poetry and making plans to move across the state to live with him and little Riley, his ex strolled by. I had only seen her through Facebook stalk sessions, but I knew it was her. A few minutes later, he received a text that said , "WTF! Visitor’s Day?" Then she posted her feelings on Facebook, under which his own mother and brother commented about how they didn’t know what he was thinking to be with me and that I’m not nearly as cute, etc. It was the official moment when I had to decide, "Oh my gosh..Is this worth it?" Ultimately, it was. But man, I’ll probably never forget the horrible introduction!
After 12 years together, I still have never met my husbands ex (my stepsons mother). How about that?
REALLY?!? Does she live far away?
Omg this made me laugh in the best way. Meeting my future husband’s ex was the most awkward moment of my life LOL. I’m so glad I’m not alone
haha you most definitely are not!
This made me laugh, feel a bit better, and hope that things will change one day!
My situation with BM has been really unsettling and at times hostile ( not on my end).
I have hid from her several times. The first time I ever met her she showed up at my house that my partner and I share together…un announced and it didn’t go well. I hid from her every single time she came around for months…even my partner’s parents would tell me to go to another room during pick up, because everyone feared outbursts. Now after almost 2 years things are going better, I no longer have to hide from her ( although we do not talk), and they are working on actually co parenting and allowing my step daughter to have a positive relationship with her father.
No longer hiding…but she still finds ways to confuse me for sure.