My biggest stepmom regret


I’m a wife, stepmom x3 and mom x 1 who when I couldn’t find the stepmom support I was looking for, decided to create it myself. I love mac + cheese, distressed denim, sauvignon blanc and all things Dateline. 



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Last week my husband and I were away in Mexico for a conference. Even though it was work related, having the alone time with him was phenomenal. It was so nice to leave our parenting hats at home and just be a couple!

When you marry a man with kids, you don’t get that period if alone time when you’re dating “pre kids”, so I am always extra appreciative of any opportunity we have to be just us.  

That being said, I missed my daughter and stepchildren A LOT. I have always been a fairly homesick person, an have a really hard time being away from the kids. (Even though we have my stepchildren on a week-on-week-off schedule, being in a different country always makes it feel different).  

The kid’s stayed with their mom while our daughter stayed with our babysitter.

At the end of the week, I couldn’t wait to get home! As soon as I walked in the door I smothered my daughter with cuddles, hugs and smooches! I literally held her all night long! 

The following afternoon, even though it wasn’t “our time”, we went to my stepson’s hockey game. We were just dying to see “the kids”. ,

It worked out great because my stepdaughter and her boyfriend were time-keeping the game so we were able to see 2/3. 

(SIDEBAR: I hate when people say “my time” when referring to their kids – we’re talking about people not timeshares here!)

When we saw them, I had the hugest urge to go up and give them a big squeeze, just like I had my daughter. 

But I didn’t. 

Like always, I held back.

This may sound absolutely crazy, but I can count on one hand the number of times I have hugged my stepkids. To be exact, it’s four.

I’ve never been a hugger. With the exception of my husband, until we had our daughter Reese, I was never one for physical touch. 

Basically what I’m saying is that I didn’t start out hugging my stepchildren, so now 5 years into my step-motherhood career, we just don’t hug.

This isn’t only because I wasn’t a touchy feely person, and wasn’t raised in a touchy feely home – it’s also because I have always approached my stepmom life remembering how I felt as a child of divorce. I know for a fact that I would have had a HUGE issue if my dad’s girlfriend tried to wrap her hands around me. 

(Remember when I said I used to try and get rid of my dad’s girlfriends for sport – yeah, I wasn’t exaggerating! My experiences very much shaped how I stepmom)

I never wanted to make them feel uncomfortable or to overstep, so I held back in the hugging department.  So now, as we are knee deep in the tween and teenager years, I kind of feel like that ship has sailed. 

This may actually be one area where step-parenting according to my experiences as a child, steered me in the wrong direction. 


I try not to dwell, or beat myself up over it. It isn’t the end of the world.

We still have a great relationship. 
The kids still know that I love them. 
They know that they’re my people.

I just show it in different ways! 

But I still wish I could give them a good squeeze! 

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Comments +

  1. says:

    I love this story. Thanks for sharing. I feel similar. I rarely hug my step kids either and it’s not because I don’t love them, we just don’t. I appreciate you sharing this because it’s very personal and honest.

  2. says:

    Once again I can 100% relate!! Thank you for being so open! I’m glad I’m not alone but also wish I started out with more hugs ♥️

  3. says:

    Love your entry!! I on the other side am a big hugger but for some reason( whether I know it or not) I rarely hug my step kids (which are grown ups nowadays with children themselves). And every single time I don’t do it I surely regret it. Again Thank You!

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