I Don’t Want to Talk About Being A Stepmom Anymore

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I’m a wife, stepmom x3 and mom x 1 who when I couldn’t find the stepmom support I was looking for, decided to create it myself. I love mac + cheese, distressed denim, sauvignon blanc and all things Dateline. 

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Hi, I'm JAMIE

NOTE: This blog post was written Sunday December 27, 2020.

I was just about to crawl into bed with my book (The Vanishing Act – it’s good), but my mind starting spinning … again. It’s been doing that a lot lately. Despite trying to shut down for the holidays I haven’t been able to turn off my brain.

So, instead I opened my laptop.

I don’t normally write blog posts like this. I usually have an outline in my notebook, with a plan. But I feel the need to get this out. In this situation, I just wanted to write.

I also want to be real with this community. You’ve been with me for almost 5 years now. We’ve all been in this together.

Okay… to the post.

It’s hard to summarize exactly how I am feeling. It’s complicated. Almost uneasy feeling. Conflicted.

I’ve been feeling it for a while.

The only way I can describe exactly how I feel is to say “I don’t know what the eff I want to do right now”.

As we go into 2021 I am conflicted about what I want.

I have built this platform based on my experience as a stepmom.

I’ve provided support for hundreds of stepmoms. Hundreds of stepmoms have taken my program KICK-ASS Stepmom, KICK-ASS Life, thousands have joined my membership The Exclusive Stepmom Community.

When you goggle “stepmom help” or “tips for stepmoms”, I am one of the first to come up on the page.

It’s pretty crazy to think that all of this started one night, after bawling my eyes out on the bathroom floor feeling lost and overwhelmed in my role as a stepmom. (But then again, the best things in life come from those uncomfortable emotions).

I was disappointed with the type of support offered for stepmoms so I ultimately decided to create the type of support I was looking for.

You can hear more about the story here.

Now, my job is now to create content and support women to overcome the things that I have overcome (and continue to overcome ) when it comes to my own experience in a blended family.

The problem is, I don’t want to talk about being a stepmom anymore.

There, I said it. I am so sick and tired of talking about my experience as a stepmom.

Actually, I didn’t say that with enough emphasis. I want to make sure you can tell just how much I mean this.

I am so fucking, incredibly, sick and tired of talking about being a stepmom.

(I’m also incredibly sick of people telling me I swear too much – if the f bomb for emphasis bothers you, off you go. This is not the online space for you. Everyone is not for everyone.)

Okay… where was I?

Oh yes, emphasizing how fucking incredibly sick of talking about being a stepmom I am.

As I write that sentence, for the third time, my conscious says “Jamie you can’t post this online”.

My response, “Who says?”

It probably comes as no surprise that I have been diving into this feeling a lot lately. We’re at the end of the year and I’m setting my intentions for 2021.

I’ve been reflecting.

There’s been a lot of journalling and list making.

Here’s where I’m stuck:

1. I have a community of women who rely on me to talk about my experience as a stepmom and support them through their experiences. It’s important for me, to show up for them.

2. I have a coaching business and online platform that I would be an idiot to simply shut down because “I don’t feel like talking about it anymore”

\

3. Not everyone loves their job every single day – it’s called being a grown up.

All that being said, the more I dive into this feeling, the clearer it becomes.

It’s time to pivot. (if you’re a loyal stepmom reader, don’t freak. just keep reading.)

I started this platform because I wanted stepmoms to feel confident in their role and stop feeling consumed by the extra stress.

That’s what I’ve been doing…

In many situations I’ve achieved that. 

Stepmoms who work with me say that I have changed their family dynamic, how they feel and how they show up. They needed to feel validated.

They’ve improved their relationships
Set boundaries.
Found their unique role in their family.
The list goes on.

Awesome. Mission accomplished.

Now we’re at phase two…

The… lets live our life and stop fucking thinking and talking about being a stepmom all the time, phase.

The phase where we accept that this is our challenge, this is our life.

If we haven’t changed it yet, it’s probably not going to happen. The more we dwell on our stepfamily stressors the more we’re going to find things to be stressed out about.

It’s time to accept what is and move forward.

Now, I want to help stepmoms get HERE! The phase where you don’t want to read about stepmom life all the time – you just want to continue to evolve and grow yourself.

The get over it and live your life phase.
The thrive amongst the bullshit.
The stop giving other people so much power over you phase.

As I write this post, I’m discovering that it is not that I want to stop with the stepmom content.

(I didn’t realize just how therapeutic this would be)

It’s not about not wanting to talk about stepmom life anymore (yes I know I had the double negative, it’s my blog I can do what I want).

It’s about evolving.
Truly thriving.
Taking things to the next level.

I’m glad I mulled this over because if I’m completely honest, I’ve had several conversations with my husband about totally switching gears.

But it wasn’t about switching gears, it was about taking it to the next level.

SIDEBAR I didn’t have any of this really figured to until I started writing this blog post. I didn’t know what would come from this post. It’s crazy how much clarity you can find when you simply get your thoughts on paper (or in this place the screen). I literally just saved myself hundreds of dollars in therapy.

Here’s the thing. If you’re a stepmom and you have made it this far. There is a difference between my platforms and the other stepmom platforms.

I don’t want to get caught up in the BS. I want to thrive amongst it.
I want to take this beyond the surface level tips and strategies for stepmoms.

I want you to get to a point where you don’t want to think/talk about being a stepmom anymore either.

I want you to get to the point where your stepmom stressors don’t even phase you anymore.

(It is possible, trust me)

Here’s to 2021.
The year we evolve.
The year everything changes
The year truly thrive amongst whatever BS life throws our way.

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