The current stepmom narrative is complete bullshit.
There, I said it.
One of my New Year resolutions is to be 100% authentic and not filter what I am saying in fear of being ridiculed by the masses. Change doesn’t happen until someone openly calls BS.
I’ll take this one on.
I am openly calling BS.
Not only is it BS that moms are encouraged to keep it real about the challenges of motherhood, while stepmoms are judged for doing the same, but society’s narrative is plagued with double standards, hypocrisy and unrealistic expectations.
A stepmom can only truly thrive when they recognize how true this is. The next step? Unsubscribing from the narrative.
It’s not serving anyone.
Stepmoms are craving change in their stepfamily dynamic.
Stepmoms are craving change in how they feel.
This change doesn’t come from trying to get OTHER people to change. It comes from changing how you show up yourself.
With that, I thought I’d share some New Year resolutions that can help you redefine your stepmom experience this year.
1. STOP BEING A MARTYR
The first time I heard someone say this I was like “What the hell does that even mean?” After a few Google searches I finally understood.
Here’s what Psychology Today said:
Psychologists use the term martyr complex to refer to someone who chooses to feel and act like a victim. Like a people-pleaser, a person with a martyr complex will sacrifice his or her own needs to please others. But a martyr also feels helpless—trapped and victimized by other people’s demands
No more sacrificing your own needs.
No more playing victim.
You are in control of your own life.
Your experience matters. Your feelings matter.
2. UNSUBSCRIBE FROM SOCIETY’S NARRATIVE
Stepmoms often report feeling damned if they do, damned if they don’t. Go all in, and you’re overstepping. Don’t show up enough and you’re presumed to resent the kids for being around.
Deep down, you know what’s best for your family. You know what works and what doesn’t because you can feel it.
(If you feel there needs to be a change, I recommend taking my 60-second quiz, Should A Stepmom Disengage – it will help you decide the best next step for your role as a stepmom)
It’s time to become the expert on your own family.
You and your partner committed to doing life together. You get to decide what’s best for the family you want to create.
With tough conversations, some audits on what’s working and what’s not, and a focus on healthy communication in your home, you can minimize the impact that the extra stress that comes with co-parenting has on your relationship.
The first step is to take back the power.
If you need support, I recommend joining The KICK-ASS Stepmom Community. Members get access to my signature coaching framework that walks you through a step-by-step process to setting boundaries, improving relationships and feeling more in control of your stepfamily life.
What used to be a $499 course is now available in my monthly membership.
Members also get access to my workshop “How To Reset The Foundation Of Your Stepfamily Life” which is a great resource to kick off the new year.
See you in there,