As I am sure you know, Mother’s Day is on Sunday. 

Mother’s Day can be a triggering day for many stepmoms. Especially stepmoms who have gone all in and are responsible for many of the “motherly duties” in their home.

(Raising my hand. This is me.)

This is another situation where stepmoms feel good enough until they’re not.

Good enough for the nitty gritty of parenting, but when it comes to the glory days they need to back up and know their place

Don’t get me wrong. I do not think that Mother’s Day should be ABOUT the stepmom. I 100% believe that kids should be with their Mom on Mother’s Day. 

But I do think that a little acknowledgment can go a long way. 

Many stepmoms spend the day waiting for a card or even a text, only to rest their head feeling resentful and unappreciated. 

A child celebrating their stepmom on Mother’s Day can be triggering for many bio moms too. 

But I wish they understood this.

A child’s love and appreciation for their stepmom doesn’t minimize the love and appreciation they have for their mom.

The roles can and should be totally separate from one another. 

I believe that all moms should encourage their stepkids to contact their stepkids on Mother’s Day. 

As a mom myself, I’m not saying this is easy.

I think it would be extremely challenging to watch another woman create a motherly bond with my child. 

No one said any of this would be easy. This wasn’t in anyone’s 5 year-plan. 

No one plans to be with their kids half the time.
No one plans to share those special moments. 

It’s one of the unfortunate consequences of divorce.

With divorce and co-parenting comes hurt feelings, adult conflict, and emotions that none of us ever saw coming.

But I think it’s time for mothers to put their egos aside and stop feeling threatened by stepmoms.

In the meantime, here are 5 things I want stepmoms to remember this Mother’s Day.

1. Your stepkids may not contact you due to their loyalty to their Mom. Contacting you may cause issues with her. They are protecting themselves.

2. Your Mother’s Day celebration, or lack thereof, does not define the level of love and appreciation your stepkids have for you. 

3. Communication goes a long way. Have you told your partner how Mother’s Day makes you feel? Remember, they aren’t mind readers. 

4. Take control of the day. Plan something for you. Celebrate and honour yourself. You deserve it. 

5. Try to practice gratitude. List the things that are going well in your stepfamily life, specifically the moments with your stepkids. When you focus on things that are going right, you’ll see more things that are going right. Energy flows where energy goes. 

Remember, it’s just a day. Take care of yourself. Play the long game. You’re amazing.

Jamie

PS. Mindset is everything when it comes to thriving as a stepmom. 

From understanding your triggers to not being consumed by things you can’t control to understanding the complexities of your stepfamily dynamic… mindset is a HUGE part of the work I do with women. 

If you’re ready to revamp your stepmom mindset and feel more confident, check out Revamp Your Stepmom Mindset: The 3 Part Series.