I’m not sure who said it exactly, but a while back I heard the quote
Chances are it was Rachel Hollis, I’ve been listening to her Podcast and Audio Book religiously for the past few months.
Anyways, it was one of those quotes that didn’t resonate right away. In fact, I don’t think I grasped how true is was for me until last Tuesday morning, as I went on my morning power-walk down the Main Street of our Hamlet.
Yes I live in a hamlet. If you’re wondering what the heck it is, according to a google search I completed 5 seconds ago, it’s a small settlement, generally one smaller than a village. It’s pretty rural.
Anyways, I’m getting off track. As I walked down our main street, listening to a podcast, it clicked. It totally clicked.
In that moment, I became so eternally grateful for all the bullshit and struggle that I’ve dealt with in my life. Every single ounce of it.
Why? Because I realized that if I hadn’t gone through all of the things that I have gone through, I wouldn’t be living the life that I am today.
Divorced parents, being estranged from my Mom, growing up separately from my siblings, dealing with other stuff that I’ll spare you the details of, anger and abandonment issues, marrying a man with kids, our co-parenting struggles. I became grateful for ALL OF IT!
If I hadn’t gone through everything I just listed (along with some other things I don’t have the lady balls to admit quite yet) I probably wouldn’t be married to my husband, or have three beautiful stepchildren who teach me more about the person that I want to be than they will ever understand. I also wouldn’t have our sweet daughter Reese.
But what really sticks out to me, is that I wouldn’t have built this KICK-ASS community of stepmoms.
I wouldn’t be spending my day sharing tips, strategies and mindset shifts that can transform your stepfamily dynamic, because I wouldn’t have learned any of the lessons that transformed my own.
If my parents hadn’t gotten a divorce, I wouldn’t have been so passionate about sharing what stepfamily life is like from a child’s perspective. In fact, I wouldn’t have had a perspective to share.
If I wasn’t such a damaged and hurt sh*t head kid growing up, I wouldn’t have the drive to prove family members wrong, and show them that I wasn’t destined for juvenile detention (for the record, that is NOT an exaggeration. There were cops at my door and not just once)
If I hadn’t been sent to live with my Dad, and spent a good chunk of my childhood estranged from my Mom, I wouldn’t have had the abandonment issues that silently haunted me for 20 years of my life.
If I hadn’t had those abandonment issues, I wouldn’t have struggled so much to develop a positive healthy relationship with my husband, and wouldn’t have sought out a killer therapist who helped me deal with everything I’ve already wrote in this post.
If I hadn’t struggled so much during my first year as a stepmom I wouldn’t have been motivated to create real-life, solution focused support for other women like me. I wouldn’t feel so compelled to open up the conversation about blended family life and debunk the stigma that comes with this role.
To add a cherry on top, if I hadn’t been so overwhelmed when our daughter was born, I wouldn’t have needed a “girls-night out” and subsequently attended an event that introduced me to the world of blogging and creating a digital brand. I wouldn’t have known that any of this existed.
All of the struggles and mistakes came with lessons, that have brought me right here, right now, sitting here in my kitchen , writing this post, living out my dream. (A dream, by the way, that I didn’t even know I had)
If all of that bullsh*t hadn’t happened to me, I would be living an entirely different life!
Guys, there was a time in my life, as recent as last year, where I wouldn’t have said any of this out loud. At that point, I preferred that people thought I had it all together.
I would have been scared that people would judge me, or send their friends a text message saying “omg did you just see what Jamie Scrimgeour posted on Facebook. I can’t believe she would say that online.”
But now, after receiving the outpour of gratitude from stepmoms after the release of 101 Ways TO Be A KICK-ASS Stepmom, I know that being real and straight up about everything I have gone through and everything that I have learned, has helped SO many other women feel normal.
Sure, I talk about things that most people don’t. I say things out loud that most people wouldn’t dare say, even if you paid them to.
Even though, sometimes I still get nervous to put myself out there, it feels so GOOD to know that doing so has helped so many other women find strength and determination to take control of their own lives (I know that sounds preachy, but it’s true)
Now I don’t really care what people think. I refuse to allow fear of other peoples opinions, to shape what I do or don’t do. This is me. You can take me or you leave me.
I don’t pretend to have it all together, I don’t anticipate I ever will. But I have a lot to share.
So if for every 1000 people who think it is crazy, that I say the things I do, 1 is left feeling inspired and less alone – I’m totally okay with that!
Because like I said, I am grateful AF for it all!
Ladies I encourage you to really think about that quote too.
Think about all the bullshit and struggle you’ve deal with (or are dealing with in your life) and how it has brought you right here, right now. If you’re in the trenches right now, dig deep and find the lesson. Figure out how you can grow from this and come out a better person…
I know this sounds preachy, I know some people aren’t ready to hear it, but if you just change your perspective and mindset around the bullshit you’ll see that it’s not all bad!