1. KIDS RELY ON THE ADULTS IN THEIR LIFE TO GUIDE THEM THROUGH THIS STUFF…
Last year before Father’s Day, I asked my 10-year-old stepson what he wanted to do for his Dad.
He hadn’t thought about it. in fact, he had no idea that Father’s Day was even coming up.
If I hadn’t brought it up or his teacher hadn’t scheduled a Father’s Day craft the following week, Father’s Day wouldn’t have been on his radar, even though he and his Dad have one of the most precious bonds I’ve ever witnessed.
The point is, kids rely on the adults in their lives to guide them through this stuff….
If they aren’t celebrating you on Mother’s Day, chances are, their Mom, Dad and even their teachers haven’t encouraged them to do so.
Again, it doesn’t define their love and appreciation for you.
2. “REAL” MOM GETS GIPPED TOO
There are MANY “real moms” who feel like they get gipped on Mother’s Day.
So many Dad’s totally drop the ball!
It has nothing to do with a blended family dynamic, or whether they are appreciated… it has to do with the culture of their family and whether they put a lot of weight on Mother’s Day.
I can assure you, these women are still loved, respected and appreciated by their family.
It’s kind of like Valentine’s Day… some people go all out and other people just don’t!
3. MEN DON’T THINK LIKE WOMEN
A few years ago, when I brought up the topic of step-motherhood and Mother’s Day, my husband confessed “I guess I never thought about how stepmoms would feel on this day.”
“Yeah, you and everyone else…” I thought to myself.
He literally had no idea. But that’s okay, he’s not a mind reader.
Not to mention, men don’t think the same way that women do on these holidays. In fact, from my experience, most men don’t “overthink” things at all.
You don’t see many (or any) stepdads openly talking about how they wish that their stepchildren would recognize them on Father’s Day. They just aren’t wired the same way we are. They don’t take things as personally.
4. IT’S MOTHER’S DAY AND SHE’S THEIR MOM
I do feel like she 100% has the right to this day. After all, SHE is their Mom.
To be honest, without experiencing what it feels like to be a stepmom myself, I don’t know that if I were in her shoes, I would be encouraging my kids to celebrate this day with their Dad’s wife.
Not out of spite, more out of ignorance. Having never jumped in and cared for someone else’s kids as they were my own, I’m not sure if it would occur to me.
5. KIDS ARE LOYAL
In many blended family situations, kids feel torn. They have loyalty binds and fear that if they celebrate their stepmom on Mother’s Day, they will hurt their mom’s feelings… which no child wants to do.
The truth is, picking up the phone and calling their stepmom on Mother’s Day may cause issues for them at their Mom’s house.
So even though it would be nice to hear their voice on the the end of the phone, take comfort in knowing that they haven’t put themselves in an uncomfortable situation.
Look I am sure there are going to be several stepmoms who disagree with what I’ve wrote and that’s totally okay. I also know that there are several situations that may not apply to this list. Every stepfamily dynamic is different.
If you are a stepmom whose husband & stepchildren celebrate you on Mother’s Day, I think that’s amazing and I am so happy for you! You are one lucky lady!
If you are a stepmom whose husband’s ex makes a point to acknowledge the important role you play in her children’s lives, I think that’s even better, and so freaking big of her.
But if you’re not. If you’re one of the stepmoms whose phone doesn’t ring, who gets caught up in all the hearts and sparkles Mothers Day posts on your Facebook newsfeed, feels unappreciated, jealous and a whole load of foreign and uncomfortable emotions, I just want you to know that I totally get where you’re coming from…
I also want you to remember what I’ve been saying throughout this whole post… Mother’s Day doesn’t define the amount of love and appreciation your husband and stepkids have for you. And it certainly doesn’t define what a KICK-ASS Stepmom you are.
It just doesn’t!
Do you feel like no one in your life gets it?
Do you want to engage in Facebook Posts about the struggles that come with step-parenting but you don’t want your comments to pop up in your friends and family’s newsfeed?
Are you craving support and want to feel like you’re not alone – but don’t know where to turn?
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